


rachel berry's ultimate mistake (aka the time she made a New Directions group chat)

by captain_cold115



Category: Glee
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Deviates From Canon, F/F, F/M, Forgive Me, How Do I Tag, M/M, New Directions as Family, Social Media, also do i count as a character in this???, blaine never transfers to mckinley, but not really, everyone in new directions is gay except artie, forgive me for my writing skills, i guess during prom queen, puck and finn maybe had a summer fling???, takes place after kurt goes back to mckinley but before nationals, takes place in my own timeless void where junior year never ends, this is a trainwreck, this is basically one long train of thought, we need more glee chatfics smh, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28521648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_cold115/pseuds/captain_cold115
Summary: Once upon a time, Rachel Barbra Berry had the worst idea to ever exist. Create a New Directions + Blaine groupchat.oh and it has modern day shows and sLaNg
Relationships: Artie Abrams/his wheelchair, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Mike Chang/Noah Puckerman, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce, Tina Cohen-Chang/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. and so it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rachel creates a new directions + blaine gc and it becomes a hellscape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so thx for reading first of all. i'm not a writer by any means so please forgive me for the story. i'm also not good at writing for ensembles so i don't think everyone will be online at the same time unless it's a joke. also this is a artie hate fic so if you like artie gtf out of here (but like not really u can stay). kudos and comments are appreciated and i'll try to update as regularly as i can :) 
> 
> also this takes place in a timeless void after kurt come back to mckinley in season 2 but they never go to nationals and just keep going to rehearsals for all eternity. also karofsky is still causing trouble for kurt but he won't go back to dalton don't worry

** Rachel ** has added  ** Finn ** ,  ** Kurt ** ,  ** Quinn ** ,  ** Puck ** ,  ** Mercedes ** ,  ** Blaine ** ,  ** Sam ** ,  ** Artie ** ,  ** Tina ** ,  ** Santana ** ,  ** Mike ** , & ** Brittany ** to a chat.

** Rachel ** has named the chat  **New Directions featuring Blaine Warbler!**

** Santana ** is online

** Santana ** : wtf is this 

** Rachel ** : it's a group chat! i believe this will help us all become better friends so in turn we have a better chance at winning nationals! 

** Santana ** : yeah no

this is not how this is gonna go down

** Santana ** has changed their name to  ** satan ** . 

** Finn ** is online 

** Finn ** : i think this is a great idea rach!

** satan ** : stop sucking up to your gf lmao 

it's embarrassing 

** satan ** has changed  ** Finn ** 's name to  ** simp4berry **

** simp4berry ** : i'm not sucking up to her

i'm her bf 

this is how a healthy relationship functions san

also why is  ** @Blaine ** here?

isn't that considered fraternizing with the enemy? 

** Rachel ** : blaine is kurt's bf

he's an in-law i guess u could say

** satan ** has changed  ** Blaine ** 's name to  ** brotherinlaw **

** simp4berry ** : that doesn't explain why he's in this chat tho 

** Kurt ** is online 

** Kurt ** : what are you huffing & puffing about now  ** @simp4berry **

**simp4berry** :  yo how did u know i was talking about ur bf 

** Kurt ** : psychic brotherly connection 

also B is allowed in this chat 

why would he not be 

** simp4berry ** : oh idk kurt 

maybe bc he's a WARBLER 

u know 

our COMPETITION 

** simp4berry ** has changed  ** Kurt ** 's name to  ** traitor **

** brotherinlaw ** is online 

** brotherinlaw ** : i wouldn't sell u guys out 

like rach said 

i'm an inlaw now

technically i'm family

so get used to me  😎

** traitor ** : did u srsly just use that emoji unironically 

** brotherinlaw ** : yes and what ab it 

** traitor ** : i'm breaking up with u 

** brotherinlaw ** : :(

** traitor ** : no wait don't be sad 

i was joking 

wait blaine don't cry

we can get ice cream? 

** brotherinlaw ** : :)

** traitor ** : i'll be there in 10 :) 

** traitor ** has logged off 

** brotherinlaw ** has logged off

** satan ** : that was so sickeningly sweet i think i might just puke 

** simp4berry ** : don't act like if that was u & britt it wouldn't be the same

** satan ** : damn 

u got me 

** Quinn ** is online 

** Quinn ** : SANTANA DIABLA LOPEZ

** satan ** : hello friend o mine 

what can i do for u on this fine evening 

** Quinn ** : first of all its 2 in the afternoon

and second of all

WHERE IS MY MATH BOOK

** satan ** : idk 

i don't have it 

** Quinn ** : u and tina were the last ppl to see it 

and i trust tina with my life 

so it had to be u

** satan ** : i swear i didn't take it

i swear on brittany i didn't take ur stupid math book 

** Quinn ** : oh shit that's ur highest swear

TINA 

** @Tina  **

** @Tina **

** @Tina **

** @Tina **

** @Tina **

** Rachel ** : OH MY GOD WILL U STFU

** Tina ** is online 

** Tina ** : what is this slander 

** Quinn ** : did u steal it 

** Tina ** : maybe 

ok yes i did 

i just needed xtra help!!!

i was gonna give it back

i promise 

please don't be mad Q

** Quinn ** : if u needed help u should have asked!!! i would have helped u

and i'm not mad 

you can keep it for the weekend 

i need it back on monday tho 

** Tina ** : thx Q ur the best 

** Quinn ** : :) 

** The Author ™️ ** has joined the chat

** satan ** : uh hi who r u 

** The Author ™️ ** : foolish mortal i am the author of this fic 

i have control over everything 

and right now i am telling all of you to log off bc i don't know how to end this chapter 

and it will be continued in part 2 

see y'all on the flip side  🤪✌️

** The Author ™️ ** has left the chat 

**Rachel** :  well that was....something 

** simp4berry ** : i have a feeling we better do what they say tho 

** simp4berry ** has logged off 

** Rachel ** has logged off 

** satan ** has logged off 

** Quinn ** has logged off 

** Tina ** has logged off 

** The Author ™️ ** : also none of y'all remember this ✨ abra kadabra  ✨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay wowie that was a lot of bolding i had to go back and do so y'all better be grateful (but not really. i can't tell u how to feel) idk when the next chapter will be up so standby. thx for reading :) 
> 
> p.s. kudos and comments are always appreciated :) i'll try to respond to all comments


	2. everyone is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone drops their pronouns, sexuality, and who they're dating and it gets a little out of hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not part 2 but sort of an interlude. also when i said i was bad at writing ensemble fics i lied. i'm actually sorta good. tbh i think this chapter is better than the first one. also i'm a sucker for furt brotherly content so expect a motherload of that shit in the next couple of chapters.

** New Directions featuring Blaine Warbler! **

** The Author ™️ ** has joined the chat

** The Author ™️ ** : aight everyone drop ur pronouns, sexuality, and who ur dating so the readers aren't confused by my mediocre writing skills

**Rachel** is online

**Rachel** : she/her, bisexual but currently in a straight relationship w/ finn

**satan** is online 

**satan** : she/her, hardcore lesbian who's taken by britt thank u very much 

**traitor** is online 

**traitor** : he/him, gay who's dating our arch rival who's not jesse st james

**Quinn** is online

**Quinn** : she/her, ??? who's a single pringle 

**simp4berry** is online 

**simp4berry** : he/him, still questioning but definitely is not straight, who's dating empress berry

**brotherinlaw** is online

**brotherinlaw** : he/they, kurtsexual 

i'm actually gay tho

**Tina** is online 

**Tina** : she/they, pansexual, freshly broken up with mike 

**satan** : damn girl what happened

**Tina** : i'll tell u later 

**Quinn** : did he break up with u or did u break up w/ him?

**Tina** : i broke up with him 

**satan** : how did you do it?

**Tina** : didn't i say i'd tell u later?

**Puck** is online

**Puck** : wtf

why do we have a gc

**Rachel** : WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS NOAH

you are excruciating 

**Puck** : he/him, pan, also single 

**Sam** is online 

**Sam** : he/they, bi, dating cedes :)

**Mercedes** is online 

**Mercedes** : sam told me to do this

she/her, bi, dating sam for some reason

**Sam** : don't act like u don't like me 

**Mercedes** : u just went on a rant about star wars for the last 20 minutes 

**traitor** : y are y'all texting each other

ur literally in the same room

**Mercedes** : don't tell me what to do hummel 

**Mike** is online 

**Mike** : he/him, pan, currently heartbroken 

**Puck** : u wanna talk ab it?

i mean we're bros for a reason sooo

**Mike** : yeah sure puck 

**Mike** has logged off

**Puck** has logged off 

**satan** :  👀

did y'all see that

or am i hallucinating 

**traitor** : r they 

u know 

💅

**Quinn** : ofc they are

did u not just hear both of them say they were pan?

**traitor** : no i meant do they like each other

if so good for them

but does anyone know

**satan** : idk 

but i'm gonna make it my life goal to get them together 

**Brittany** is online

**Brittany** : she/her, bi, with san  😁

**satan** : hey britt :)

**Brittany** : hey san :)

**brotherinlaw** : why can't we be like this **@traitor**

**traitor** : we could 

only if u stop embarrassing us every time we go out in public 

**brotherinlaw** : okay name ONE time i embarrassed us in public 

**traitor** : how about the time we went to the mall, got ice cream, you dropped said ice cream on the floor of said mall, then picked up the ice cream, and WIPED IT WITH A NAPKIN and continued to eat it 

**simp4berry** : ......did that actually happen

**traitor** : this is blaine we're talking about of course it actually happened finnegan 

**brotherinlaw** has left the chat 

**Quinn** : you heard it here first folks klaine is officially broken up 

**traitor** : we didn't break up 

how many times have you broken up with someone, queen b? 

**Sam** : ha queen b

**Sam** has changed **Quinn** 's name to **queenbquinn**

**queenbquinn** : shut 

** The Author ™️ ** : has everyone done their intros?

cool?

aight i'm ending the chapter 

WAIT 

WE FORGOT ARTIE LMAOOOO

ARTIE BRO GET YO ASS IN HERE YOU RASCAL 

**Artie** is online 

**Artie** : he/him, straight, painfully single 

**Tina** : as u should be smh

no straights allowed in this chat 

all in favor of kicking artie out?

say eye

**traitor** : eye

**queenbquinn** : eye

**simp4berry** : eye

**Rachel** : eye

**Mercedes** : eye

**Sam** has changed their name to **samiam**

**samiam** : that's better

also eye

**satan** : get the stinky straight out of here asap

**Brittany** : why are we talking about eyes 

also i agree with san

**satan** has added **brotherinlaw** to the chat 

**satan** : what's ur opinion hobbit

there's only one right answer 

**brotherinlaw** : idk guys it seems kind of mean 

he's our friend u know 

**Tina** : say eye or shut ur fuck 

**brotherinlaw** : jk jk 

eye 

**Tina** : i'm gonna say puck & mike are in favor too 

say adios artie 

**Artie** : this is cyber bullying 

why am i being kicked out bc i'm straight 

it's heterophobic 

**satan** : SHUT 

ur being kicked out for being a creepy ass bitch to half 

nay ALL 

the girls in this group

now who would like to do the honors 

**Tina** : could i 

**satan** : be my guest 

**Tina** has removed **Artie** from the chat 

**queenbquinn** : crisis averted 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp when i said that this was an artie hate fic i really meant it. and yes we will address mister schue at some point in this trainwreck. stay tuned for part 2. 
> 
> p.s. kudos and comments are always appreciated :) i'll try to respond to all comments 
> 
> also thx for reading :)


	3. the jatp saga/the spanish test of doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> puck has a confession and everyone besides tina, kurt, blaine, rachel, quinn, and sam take a spanish test that wrecks their grades (besides santana obvi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey
> 
> uh 
> 
> it's been a while
> 
> i promise i won't disappear as often
> 
> anyways enjoy this shitshow
> 
> Finn: simp4berry  
> Rachel: Rachel  
> Kurt: traitor   
> Blaine: brotherinlaw   
> Quinn: queenbquinn   
> Santana: satan  
> Brittany: Brittany!  
> Puck: puckasaurus   
> Tina: tinaschmena  
> Mike: micheal   
> Sam: samiam   
> Mercedes: hondacivic

** puckasaurus  ** is online

**puckasaurus** : i have a confession to make 

** hondacivic  ** is online

**hondacivic** : we are literally taking a spanish test rn wth do you want 

**Brittany!** is online

**Brittany!** : don't listen to her puck say what you need to say

**hondacivic** : isn't that a song

**puckasaurus** : yes but that's not what we r taking ab rn 

**micheal** is online

**micheal** : what's the answer to number 4 

**hondacivic** : idk ask santana she's fluent 

**micheal** : i tried but she ignored me and flipped me off under the table 

i'm pretty sure she's only helping britt 

**tinaschmena** is online 

**tinaschmena** : i don't take spanish wtf is happening rn 

**hondacivic** : long story short, we're taking this test bc mr schue loves to torture us and puck txted the gc ab something and we got sidetracked 

**puckasaurus** : YEAH CAN WE GET BACK TO THAT PLS

**Brittany!** : yeah! i really wanna hear what he has to say!

**puckasaurus** : okay so

the other day my sister found this show on netflix 

you may have heard of it

it's called julie and the phantoms 

and it's actually really good

like really really good

and i'm kind of addicted rn

**samiam** is online

**samiam** : i've heard of that show! my little brother and sister really like it 

from what i've heard them say, it's about music 

but isn't it a kids show?

**puckasaurus** : NO

IT CAN BE JUSTIFIED AS A TEEN SHOW 

**samiam** : dude don't get so defensive i was only asking

you know we don't judge here 

unless you're artie than we will kick you out

**satan** is online

**satan** : i heard puckerman likes julie and the phantoms

good

it's great queer and latinx rep

britt and i binged all of it last week

**Brittany!** : let's all have a big watch party! we can watch jatp and any other things

**tinaschmena** : i actually like that idea

can we watch degrassi next gen

i've been SUPER addicted to that show lately 

**micheal** : isn't drake in that show

**tinaschmena** : yeah but he's a fetus in it 

**traitor** is online 

**traitor** : i can feel ur guys stress RADIATING from the spanish room

is mr schue rly that bad

**micheal** : YES omg i'm going to jump out the window if i don't finish this test in the next two minutes 

**traitor** : i'm so happy i took french 

**hondacivic** : ur already fluent so why does it matter 

**traitor** : it's super easy and looks good on a college application 

**samiam** : why did you even learn french in the first place

**traitor** : well for two reasons

a) my mom was french and was fluent 

b) bc of that one part of bad romance where she speaks french

**puckasaurus** : of course that's why you learned french

**traitor** : shut

**satan** : mike my man you look like you are REALLY struggling 

**micheal** : spanish is not my strong suit

**satan** : you're lucky it's mine 

pass your paper over to britt and she'll hand it to me 

you owe me chang 

**micheal** : THANK YOU SANTANA 

YOU ARE MY SAVIOR

**satan** : yeah yeah 

**samiam** has changed **micheal** 's name to **santanastan**

**brotherinlaw** is online

**brotherinlaw** : y'all never stfu do you

y'all realize that i go to a private all boys school and can't have my phone going off every two seconds right

**satan** : then put ur phone on silent tf 

**traitor** : why are you saying "y'all" so much

**brotherinlaw** : did you forget we live in ohio

**puckasaurus** : does anyone else notice when kurt isn't paying attention he has a midwestern accent 

**traitor** : NO I DONT

STOPE

**brotherinlaw** : IVE BEEN SAYING THAT FIR MOTNS

MOTNHS

MONTHS

HE DENYS IT EVETY TIME 

**traitor** : NO  😡

THIS IS DEFAMATION

I WILL NOT BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS

**brotherinlaw** : i think it's cute

**traitor** : finn made fun of me tho

and like

everyone in middle school said so too

so i hid it

**satan** : note to self: beat up lumps the clown next time i see him

**traitor** : it was like three and a half years ago dont drudge it up 

**tinaschmena** : speaking of finn where are he and rachel 

**hondacivic** : finn is also taking the spanish test of doom but he got his phone taken away by schue for playing games

specifically candy crush

**puckasaurus** : isn't he on like level one million 

**traitor** : yeah

it's really bad

btw i'm with rach rn but she's "on a strict disconnect from any technology as we are performing a Shakespearean classic, Romeo & Juliet, at the community theatre and i am trying to get into character. i am playing juliet, of course."

**satan** : for a small person, that girl talks a LOT

**tinaschmena** : if anyone wants free snacks and netflix hit up my house tonight for a sleepover where we will binge jatp and degrassi

also someone let finn, rachel, and quinn know

**hondacivic** : i'm pretty sure quinn is sick 

**tinaschmena** : really? she was fine yesterday

**traitor** : she told us yesterday she was sick 

**satan** :  👀

**tinaschmena** is offline 

**brotherinlaw** : uhhhh 

i'm staying out of new directions drama

bye

**brotherinlaw** is offline

**traitor** : did y'all ever finish the spanish test

**hondacivic** : i did, puck did, santana did, britt cheated off of santana, mike gave up halfway through and santana did his test for him, and finn is still STRUGGLING 

my man is STRESSED 

**traitor** : i'm not tutoring him again

i don't even take spanish yet i'm the one who has to teach him

goodbye 

**traitor** is offline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are your quinntina crumbs for the day
> 
> hope you enjoyed. pls leave kudos and comments it very much appreciated. chapter 4 will be up hopefully soon


End file.
